Phases
BY: AISHA
Images by Winta Assefa
Every person entering or throughout their teenage years, I'm sure has gone through and will go through an embarrassing, humbling phase. I have decided to tell the ridiculous story of my grade 9-10 emo, rock, grunge phase. Looking back now at 17, chills run through my body thinking of those times. But now, this is an amusing and intriguing story to tell as I reflect on my ‘cool’ 14-15 year old self.
It all started during covid when there were restrictions everywhere and we could go out but a mask was required. I honestly had too much time on my hands at home so I decided to change my style. My TikTok and Pinterest feed were showing me images and videos of grunge, piercings, and edgy styles. I started by saving collections of ideas that looked appealing to me such as baggy, dark clothing, old rock bands, piercings, tattoos, skateboarding, and things like that. I admired the dark, rebellious, trouble-maker feel that it gave off because I thought it was soo cool and badass. For a visual, a picture would be of someone sitting on a curb at night with tons of tattoos all over their skin with a dark filter over it and I thought that was so edgy. It started off as an appreciation and admiration at first…until it wasn't. A few weeks would go by of me just browsing this aesthetic until I decided I really wanted to transition into this ‘cool’ look.
So, what was first on my list to achieve this look? My hair. Buckle in for this one. The hairstyle I wanted was lots of layers; a ‘wolf cut,’ the world called it. What I did was section the bottom part of my hair, leaving that part long, then took the top layer of my hair and hacked at it with a razor and scissors. I just cut and cut and cut. I did this until the top part of my hair was short and the bottom was just long enough so they blended together. I promise you the layers were so atrocious, I couldn’t even put my hair up even if I wanted to. I needed two hair-ties and hairclips because all the hair would not stay intact with one elastic. It was basically like having two hairstyles at once. Looking back, I thought I had the coolest hair in school but someone needed to humble me; nobody told me I looked crazy. That was also the period where I tried to get into Nirvana, My Chemical Romance, and Deftones.
As if that sounded bad enough–oh no, I wasn’t done. I wanted to go all the way to accomplish this stunning look. At this stage, I wanted piercings. I started off by asking my Asian mother for an eyebrow piercing to which she said:
“Your face is too beautiful to make holes in it.”
Me being so determined to look cool and different, I ordered a piercing kit off Amazon and started piercing myself. It started with just a septum (the piercing that looks like a bull ring in your nose), then I got carried away and added two more nostril piercings. I had one in my mouth, pierced my eyebrow twice, had two lip piercings, and some ear piercings. Some of these did hurt but I persevered to get what I wanted. My family was so exhausted when they saw a new one pop up. Eventually, they left me alone and let me do my own thing, although they did think it was too much. After I pierced my septum, I was in the kitchen, my mom walked in and as soon as I turned to the side, she said:
“What is in your nose?! Oh my God! You look like a bull. You’re gonna look like those emotional scary people.”
I was laughing because if she really hated it that much, she would be screaming at the top of her lungs telling me to take it out right there. Whenever my mom saw me with a new one, she would say:
“Watch, those are gonna leave permanent holes in your skin after all that.”
To be honest, she was right about that with my lip piercings because they left only a little scar but not even that noticeable. My grandma would also say I looked like a bull and my older brother and sister wouldn’t say much. They just said they didn’t like it and there was too much. Sometimes when they said it was ugly, it hit a spot inside because it was something that I liked about myself at the time but I didn’t let those words stick with me for long. I still continued with my journey nonetheless. At one point I had 7 piercings on my face at once. Looking back at it now, I was doing way too much and my face looked so crowded with so much silver. It was a very hectic time and I'm glad to say I’ve calmed down with the piercings.
On top of the piercings and haircut, there's more…I know! It's crazy, right? How could I forget the jewelry? I ordered packs of silver rings off Amazon and wore a bunch on both of my hands. I painted old rings and earrings black to wear them as well. I even remember wearing silver dangling cross earrings. In grade 9, I wore black headphones, a big grey side bag to school, my wolf cut hair covering my face, with my black covid mask. I also loved to go thrifting to find things like skull t-shirts and throwback clothing like Nirvana shirts. So, what was going through my mind when I dressed all this together? I thought I was the coolest person in school. I thought I was the mysterious, edgy looking girl in school that didn’t say much but my cool style would speak for me. I thought everyone wanted a hairstyle like mine too…
This concludes my story on my young emo phase. What made me grow out of this point in my life was time. A year went by and I started to slowly remove piercings one by one starting with my eyebrow then slowly removing lip piercings. It was like I was shedding old pieces of myself every time I removed a piece of jewelry to gradually reveal the more mature person I was inside. I no longer fit the style I was in. Entering grade 11, I felt my life moving forward. I was growing up but my appearance reminded me of my younger self in the mirror so I changed what I had to change. I know there are people out there that genuinely enjoy that kind of style and aesthetic and they could completely do as they please. Whatever makes you happy and comfortable in your skin, please do! I just grew out of something that I thought fit me as a person but I was just young and curious. Even now, it’s embarrassing when my friends bring up those “remember when” moments. It was fun while it lasted but I’ve grown up, discovered way more things, and it’s now a sweet memory to look back on in my early high school days.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hey, my name is Aisha. I am a grade 12 student here in Toronto, Canada. I have always been someone who enjoyed writing stories and using my imagination and creative skills ever since I was young. I have always been big on doing what you want in life to make you happy and changing what you want or need to change to make you comfortable in life. I love going out and having fun but sometimes I do enjoy those moments when it’s just me alone to collect my thoughts and think.
